If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
someone owes me an orgasm
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
