I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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