What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
did you just send me my own nude
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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