wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
