Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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