If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
