At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
