Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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