it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
