Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
