I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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