FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
