we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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