Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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