Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
