Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
