i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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