I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
