Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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