Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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