Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
