guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
