we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
