So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
