Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
