i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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