i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
