u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
