Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
