I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
