We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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