There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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