I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
