i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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