I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just had sex on a roof
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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