lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
