was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
