I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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