i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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