how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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