watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
