i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
