one two three fourrrrnication!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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