Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
