I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
