Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
