Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
