If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
