Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
