from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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