Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
